Dr. Terry E. Zebulske, Pastor
Grace Community Church
January 21, 2007
 
HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILDREN
(Ephesians 6:4)
 
…Mrs Clinton set forth in her book, It Takes A Village, an agenda for moving America closer to state-sponsored parenting.  She seems to give lip service to the importance of parents and grandparents, but believes that parents should not be permitted to train their own children unsupervised by the secular state. 
…God has a far different and far better idea.  He tells us that children are to raised by their parents.  Also, that children are a blessing from God, not a burden.  They are  “living messages that we send to a time we cannot go.”
…Paul continues in Ephesians telling us what it is to walk with the Lord being controlled by the Holy Spirit.  As a part of this, he tells of the parent-children relationship…today, it is the duty of parents to train their children.
TWO DIRECTIVES FOR PARENTS HELPING US TO RAISE OUR CHILDREN ACCORDING TO GOD’S WONDERFUL WORD.
…For it is God’s Word, not Dr. Spock, who we should be listening to in this very important subject.
I.         Fathers (parents) Stop Driving Your Children Away From You.  (negative)
A.   God commands us through Paul to “stop provoking your children to anger.”  In a parallel teaching in Colossians 3:21, Paul tells us not “to embitter our children” or they will become…
B.    Parents are entrusted with the minds, feelings, and bodies of their little ones.  Children do not exist for parents, but parents for children, to help them come into their own personhood…
…if a parent provokes his children to anger or embitters them, he will lose the opportunity to train their hearts and form their characters.   This is most important…
C.   How can we drive our children away by provocation? 
1.    We can overprotect them, and fence them in too much, never trust them…never give them a chance to develop independence. 
2.   We can overindulge our kids.  This is the “flip side” of overprotection.  We do this when we spoil them. 
3.   Favoritism among one’s children produces this.  (Gen 25:28) Rebecca with Jacob…
…don’t give gifts or privileges to one that you withhold from another.  Don’t compare
4.   Unrealistic goals drive children into bitterness.  By constantly pushing achievement…Pressure your children to accomplish what you never did.  Make your kids feel as though they can never satisfy you…guaranteed to produce discouragement.
5.   Discouragement.  When you are constantly critical of your children, and hardly ever praise them.  Focus on their faults.  In time, they will stop trying.
6.   Neglect.  Fail to show them love and affection.  Just show them indifference.  David did this with Absalom ((2 Sam 18:33)  He grew up with contempt for his dad. 
7.   Withdrawing your love will surely create anger. 
8.   Excessive discipline will provoke your kids.  It is not discipline, it is brutality. 
... using hurtful words in rebuking our children crushes their hearts.
…God always disciplines His children in love.  (Hebrews 12:5-7)
II.       Fathers (parents) Give Yourselves To The Nurturing Of Your Children. (positive)
A.   We are to “bring them up.”  We must.  This does not happen on its own.  Take an active role in shaping the character of your children. 
B.   In two ways:  We are to train and instruct (warn) them.   For “instruct” means  “to put in mind.”  
C.   God’s manual for this is His Word, specifically Proverbs.  What should we teach them?
1.  Teach them to fear the Lord.  (Proverbs 1:7)
2.  Teach them to guard their minds.  (Proverbs 4:23)
3.  Teach them to obey their parents.  (1:8)
4.  Teach them to be selective in choosing their companions.  (13:20)  “walk with wise…”
5.  Teach them to control their lusts.  (2:16-19), (5:3-5), (6:23-33)
6.  Teach them to enjoy their mates.  (save sexual passions for spouse) (5:15, 18-20)
7.  Teach them to watch their words.  (4:24), (12:18)   Often it is wiser not to talk…
8.  Teach your children to vigorously pursue their work.  (6:6-8), (10:4-5)
9.  Teach your children to love their neighbor.  (3:27-29)
LESSONS FOR OUR LIVES:
  1. Some of us as parents may need to ask forgiveness of our children when we angered them!
  2. Dads, ultimately if your children are not disciplined...God will hold you responsible.
  3. Parents, strive to create the environment of love.  A loving family home.
  4. Parents, if you have failed in this, God gives a 2nd chance..."called grandchildren".
  5. Perhaps you are not a Christian your greatest need is to come to Christ Today!!!